THE SHIFT.

This is a continuation of my first post, so go back and read it for some more background!

Since having my first daughter three years ago, I've been going through some transitions about what I want to do with my life. A month after returning to work after maternity leave with her, I quit that job and took a position closer to home so I wouldn't be commuting for 1.5+ hours per day.

At that point, I was in full-on mom mode.

Maternity leave with my first baby in September 2013. Delirious but happy!

Maternity leave with my first baby in September 2013. Delirious but happy!

I wanted to spend time with my new baby, not stuck in traffic. I accepted my current position almost solely because of the location and extremely short commute. 

Thankfully, that move made a huge impact on my happiness with being a working mom and has provided me opportunities to do new things, have autonomy in my role, gain the confidence to make decisions and have them be supported by my manager and peers, and realize the types of projects I like to do, and those that I really don't like, which has been great for me to recognize.

I realized that I like being a mom with a full-time job outside of the home.

I had my second daughter in August 2015 and a week before I had to go back to work, the feeling of dread and guilt about returning to work, even though I liked my job well enough, crept in. I had an emotional breakdown which involved crying to my husband about not wanting to go back, questioning if we should move to a smaller town with less expensive housing so I could work less, and verbally spewing my disgust at the amount of student debt we have, which is basically the reason I have to work full-time in the first place. (We both got our Master's degrees in 2012.)

But, I went back, and it wasn't as awful as I had envisioned in my head. I actually have been enjoying my job a lot since returning last November and have had some great opportunities to expand my skill set within my current role. 

Although I've been enjoying my job for the most part, I've continuously had nagging thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart that I want to be with my kids more, and want to do more with my life, but also know that I like to work in some capacity. The past several months have been filled with trying to figure out how to make something happen with this shift that's been happening within me.

My biggest issue is that I don't like the feeling of being obligated to someone else to stand at my desk for eight hours a day, even if my work is done, because that's how the corporate world works. I don't want to have to look busy when people walk by when I'm really just scrolling through social media. I want to finish my work, then go do the things that I enjoy outside of work. 

Which brings me to today.

And the reason for this blog. I've been a working mom for three years now and have been in the workforce for nearly 10 years. Along the way, I've been in many stages of life and have had varying opinions of being a working woman, faced challenges, made hard decisions and have had great experiences. But becoming a working mom is its own challenge, and it can be tough to navigate. There are many other blogs out there about being a mom that cover a range of topics, and I've read a gazillion articles that cover the pros and cons of working vs. staying home. But what if I want a balance of both? I want to work, but I want work to work for me. And I want that time with my kids while they are little because I won't get it back.

I want to be passionate about my work (while still maintaining work-life balance). I want to be rid of the corporate politics. I want to do my work and be done. I want to take my kids to activities in the middle of the day on a Thursday because I have the freedom to do so. I want to make my own processes and affect change. 

So how do I go about making my life what I want it to be while being a mom and being financially dependent on my job?

I don't fully know the answer right now, but I do know that I want to take steps to get to a better place for me. And I know that I am excited about home and life organization. I know there is a way to marry my desire for more time at home and my interests in helping families organize their lives so they can rid themselves of the stress and frustration of being unorganized, unstructured and unplanned, and start prioritizing the things that matter to them.